Parochial News Day

Parochial News is a bit different today because for the past month I've mainly been hanging out in Liberty City. It's a tough life in the old city and not always fair but you can always rely on your local bobby,

Liberty City Police Face Allegations Of Incompetence, Brutality

June 4, 2008 | Issue 44•23

LCPD officers deal with a shoplifting suspect.

LIBERTY CITY—With the city in the midst of a record crime wave, concerned citizens claim the Liberty City Police Department has done little to prevent the constant car chases, ongoing gun battles, and overall atmosphere of violence that pervade the area.

"I used to feel safe in Liberty City, but lately, it's been total mayhem," said night-shift worker Lola Del Rio, who spoke to reporters while sucking nervously on a red lollipop. "In the past week alone, I've been carjacked twice, run over 10 times, and witness to a half-dozen gunfights that ended with automobiles exploding. What are the police doing to stop all this?"

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Officers respond to one of the 43,274 murders reported in the city last month.

Since the surge in crime, which began on April 28 at midnight, more than 830,000 civilians have been murdered—nearly one-tenth of Liberty City's total population. In addition, 35,000 vehicles have been reported stolen, many of which were then driven illegally over sidewalks and pedestrian walkways before plunging into the nearby Humboldt River. And according to startling figures released by local community action group Citizens for a Safer City, drug trafficking has become rampant and prostitution has increased by 800 percent.

"I was shot 14 times on my way to work today, including twice by police," said one Algonquin-area resident. "That is unacceptable."

Many blame the LCPD directly for the increase in criminal activity, citing the department's lax procedure for arresting criminals, which involves taking 10 percent of the suspect's money, confiscating his weapons, and simply releasing him from custody later that day. Outraged citizens say this is not enough, especially in a city where assault rifles can be found on factory roofs and grenade caches are located under the globe at the old World's Fair site.

"The police just let them go, and 20 minutes later they're shooting at the very same criminals from helicopters," veteran crime reporter Mike Whiteley said. "That is not proper law enforcement. We may be seeing a return to the bad old days of 2002, when the police, the FIB, and even Army tank battalions would leave countless bodies on the streets while attempting to capture just one man on some sort of joyful mass-destruction spree."

Perhaps even more alarming, city records indicate that more than 75 percent of perpetrators in mass-murder or vehicular-manslaughter cases escape, usually by simple methods such as driving into a car-repainting facility. Criminals have even eluded pursuit by walking into their apartment and going to bed for six hours, after which the search has been called off.

However, one LCPD official, who wished to remain anonymous, blamed the recent crime wave on the police department's lack of proper equipment.

"We are only equipped to pursue a suspect within a small radius on a very basic half-centimeter radar screen," the officer said. "If we were allowed to seek criminals who escaped this radius for more than 15 seconds, our results would improve dramatically."

"And to those who say the LCPD is too quick to resort to deadly force, remember that almost 850,000 police officers, FIB agents, and N.O.O.S.E. [National Office of Security Enforcement] team members have died in the line of duty in the past month," he added.

Nonetheless, residents say that their confidence in the Liberty City police force—low in the best of times—has eroded almost completely.

"I was buying a hot dog from a street vendor in Hove Beach yesterday when I saw someone run a red light, barrel down the sidewalk, careen into a garbage truck, exit his vehicle, steal a nearby convertible, and drive away," one Broker resident reported. "A nearby police car didn't even react. But when the car behind him nicked his fender, the officer shot the driver through the windshield and walked away."

"That is not the kind of law enforcement we want for our community," he added.

Most admit that the problem is not a lack of police presence, as the LCPD currently operates 15 different police stations throughout the city's four boroughs, and there is a seemingly infinite number of officers on duty at all times to respond to reported crimes. However, citizens say the officers' "shoot-first" mentality and willingness to accept bribes only contributes to the city's widespread violence and corruption.

"It's almost as if the cops in this town are as much an adversarial faction as the criminals," said public defender Kiki Jenkins, who is rumored to be instrumental in recent incidents of police being inexplicably pulled from chases and criminal pursuit. "Sure, we have excellent radio stations and an incredible range of things to see and do here. But if I were younger, I'd move to Mario World in a second."

Don't let me down gently, in fact don't let me down at all!

I'm a bit behind in the old bloggingtypethinklikesay for the only good reason which is hanging out with mates got in the way. Last week we dived through to Ireland to chill with Rosa's Irish posse and this weekend we've suited and booted ourselves up for a bit of the Italian food and the hanging it gangsta stylee with the dundee posse. You all must be jealous of the exciting urban life I live.

The other thing I've been doing is this,


Let's talk about it later though eh?

Suffice to say that the whole marriage thing has made me realise how fantastic all our friends are and hope that you know we're thinking of you.

Unless you're battling online in which case I will shoot you in the face!

Will you buy this game?

You know what I'm doing that you're not?

I finally managed to pick up Brian Lara Cricket 2007 this morning and it's sweet as though there are some glitches. I'll tell more after spending tomorrow playing it with mates. Now if only you peeps would get Xbox 360's and broadband we could get a game on.

Garry plays a bit of cricket

So in my manic anticipation of the ICC Cricket World Cup I downloaded the Brian Lara's Cricket 2007 demo tonight for a looksee before I get the game at the end of the month.

My first disappointment was that this didn't have a two player option which was a major feature of the 2005 demo and guaranteed I bought the game. A bit of a missed opportunity for new players there and I know it made it more difficult for some mates. Otherwise I do have to say the graphics are still only touching next-gen though the player animation is very very good. Weirdly most of the players featured just look wrong, Flintoff in particular is made to look like a jowly git though there is a really good animation of him fucking up a bowl, except for Shane Watson who is a spitting image of the youung Aussie himself. So it's all okay as long as the Shanester is there in all his mullet glory. I do hope that the finished code is a touch better though.

Gameplaywise I feel little has radically changed but everything has been refined. At bat I felt more in control whilst at bowl I was tantalised by the feeling I had more options at my fingerprints than came up in the 5 second flash of buttons. Both are clearly designed for pick up and play with extra options dependent on both your knowledge of cricket and skill at gaming. It's a balance that Codemasters were clearly striving for in the last game and are clearly moving even further in to. My only possible problem is with fielding which, in the demo at least, has become a little too twitch orientated for my liking.

In short I wish the demo had included a versus mode to let us see how the game really works but what's there shows a highly playable and very accessible sports game that many will miss out on because it's cricket. I'll buy the game and believe that's it's worth a rental by anybody.

This actually came from a forum where I just meant to ask if anybody had checked out the demo, I'm a bit black affronted at how long it goes on for.

General havers

I'd like to apologise to my reader for not posting in the last fortnight as I've been no well I'm afraid. Since I've been off work not much happening here so I'm just generally blethering about what's been entertaining me.

In order to avoid the whole Valentines Day nonsense Rosa and I went to see Hot Fuzz the new film from Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg and it was truly laugh out loud funny in it's satire of English village life mixed with as many Hollywood action movie cliches as can possible be put in. A special note has to go to Timothy Dalton who is clearly having the time of his life playing the manager of the local Somerfield. This is a must see if you enjoyed Shaun of the Dead and Spaced and live in South Africa. Everybody else should go too.

I've also been watching the old Channel 4 six-parter Ultraviolet this week. For those who never came across it Jack Davenport plays a police detective whose partner is turned into a vampire which leads him to joining a shadowy organisation that hunts the vamps. It's a silly idea that works because it's done completely straight making it quite reminiscent of television espionage or police dramas. Good stuff then which is only slightly let down by Davenport who never quite convinces in his role. How on earth do we end up with Torchwood when stuff like this isn't continued?

I also got an XBox 360 from the girl at Christmas and it is absolutely fantastic. Currently I've been sucked into Oblivion which is an incredibly large first-person rpg in which you can go anywhere. My character Gadje McNed has turned out to be a right nasty piece of work who will literally steal anything not nailed down. Good stuff. I got Splinter Cell Double Agent with the machine and whilst I love this and all the other games in this sneaking stylee series it reminds me of the first one in which I took six months trying to get around a corner due to it's rather extreme difficulty, I still love it though. And the last game I'm sucked into is Gears of War the big shooter from last Christmas. The single player game is everything promised with cover being vital and this is improved with a fantastic online co-op game. Unfortunately once you go into an online versus game the cover mechanic is thrown out of the window leaving you with a disappointing run around and shoot peeps game. You still get to shoot your mates in the face though so it's not a complete waste.

Who are we and other random shite.

I'm making no more comment on certain things apart from my last post. Just not my place.

I've been thinking about online personas recently and I don't quite get it. Yeah my mates and I have posed as Jewish Mexican Gay Sex Addicts on XBoxlive to wind up Merkin Nazi Youth but it's been a one night thing fuelled by copious drink and a need to piss off idiots so it doesn't count. What I'm talking about is people who creat an internet persona and then sustain it for months or years. What is the fucking point? Sorry this is just another way of communicating and putting more noise in front of the signal is just plain weird, just accept that you're a fat 28yr old virgin and not a hardarse streetfighter and you might find that shit might go better for you. I just find the whole thing weird and it gets weirder when peeps tell me I'm just as annoying in RL as I am on the intraweb, it's not an act folks I am this much of a prat.

Still thinking about South Africa and astounded at how much walking over Table Mountain means to me. You see when you go to another country it's the small differences that get you like you know in France they don't call a Quarter Pounder a Quarter Pounder the call it a Royale with cheese? I'm still stunned.

This weeks new toy is LoveFilm.com which is a DVD rental service that provides up to 3 DVD's at a time for 16 squid a month and in the first few days it's sodding great. Last night we watched The Blues Brothers to distract us from nonsense in our lives and it was wonderful, tonight it was The Big Lebowski and we've got a Mexican film for Sunday with more stuff coming early next week. I love this. We can get the whole of Seinfield also.

I'm still suffering from existential angst but I can't be arsed getting The Cure, Albert Camus, a random arab and myself to all gather on an Algerian beach so I can kill the arab so I remain cheerful.

Please hug the person you love.