I've never met a nice South African!

This is of course a complete lie but growing up in the 80's we had a very particular view of the Saffy's and to be fair we mostly had a point. Meeting peeps like Marieke, her family and friends show a lot about how wrong we were in a way but this is dedicated to the young guys Ed and I had a drink with when we were out camping,

Parochial News Day!

Just on a whim I decided to look at New Zealand news today. Imagine my surprise to stumble on a story so relevant not only to myself but to some of you out there,

Cricket: NZ win first test against England by 189 runs

1:08PM Sunday March 09, 2008

Ross Taylor, Jeetan Patel and Jamie How congratulate Kyle Mills during day five.

New Zealand have won the first cricket test against England by 189 runs after the tourist's second innings disintegrated for just 110 on the final afternoon at Seddon Park here today.

Ian Bell top scored in a forlorn run chase, his unbeaten 54 one of only two double figure contributions before England were routed shortly before the tea interval.

Monty Panesar was the last wicket to fall when he was caught by Brendon McCullum off the bowling of Jacob Oram for eight.

Seamers Kyle Mills and Chris Martin wrought the havoc with spells of four for nine and three for nine respectively decimating an England innings that lasted just 55 overs.

Mills finished with four for 16 from 13 overs and Martin three for 33 from 13.

New Zealand skipper Daniel Vettori was named man of the match after innings of 88 and 35 dovetailed with a big bowling output - two for 60 off 38 overs in England's first innings.

England had been set 300 to win after Vettori declared New Zealand's second innings closed at 177 for nine seven overs into the day.

The second test of the three-match series starts at Wellington's Basin Reserve on Thursday.

- NZPA

I really don't think the NZ Herald is being entirely fair about this match. The BBC website is much more balanced in it's description of one of Englands "most ignominous defeats in recent history" as they got a "paltry 110 on a flat track" and I'm inclined to agree. Kevin Pietersens face was priceless. Add to this the English losing 15-9 to Scotland in the rugby Calcutta Cup yesterday, awful game though it was, and I'm a very happy man.

One of the things I've always liked about the Kiwis is that they are such nice people. Take rap star Che Fu for example. Whilst Snoop Dogg is getting done for guns and drugs and is banned from entering the UK, 50 Cent is showing off his bullet scars and Mike Skinner is telling stories of drug-taking and shagging pop starlets Che Fu is giving something back,

Che Fu wants recycling lyrics

East And Bays Courier | Saturday, 08 March 2008

Kiwi music star Che Fu has written a rap chorus promoting recycling and wants kids to fill in the gaps.

The renowned R’n’B artist is working with the Glass Packaging Forum to encourage young people to recycle at home, school and the community.

A competition aimed at nine to 15-year-olds asks kids and teens to turn their thoughts on recycling into lyrics to Che Fu’s music.

The winning students from the North and South islands each win $1000 for their schools and a day recording their lyrics with Che Fu in an Auckland studio.

Every school will receive a poster with details of the competition in their copy of the Education Gazette.

Students can download the beat and then "rap the gaps" with their own words.

Lyrics need to include a name for the new mobile glass crusher, say why glass recycling is important and what the crushed glass could be used for in their community.

The competition is open until April 18. Winners will be announced on World Environment Day on June 5, which will be hosted in Wellington.

Kids today! When I was young it was all about misogyny, drugs and violence, now look at them with their social awareness and care of the environment They should be hanging out on street corners drinking cheap white cider and getting off with each other. It never did me any harm.

Meanwhile the Manukau Courier shows us that there are seriously mental people everywhere you look,

Guide dogs have a giggle

Manukau Courier | Friday, 07 March 2008

Supplied

BUGGED: Guide dog puppy Emjay looks a little unsure about being dressed as a ladybird for the fancy dress competition at Manurewa fun day.

Tails, not tongues were wagging on Sunday when 29 guide dog puppies and breeding stock gathered for their annual fun day at the Guide Dog Services centre in Manurewa.

The day is a chance for volunteer puppy walkers, breeding stock guardians and guide dog boarders to get together and have a good time, says puppy development manager Paula Gemmell.

"They are really vital to the success of the guide dog programme so it’s great to give them the chance to get to know each other, chat and share their funny stories."

"It’s meant to be a fun day but it can get quite competitive out there!" she says.

The dogs competed in a range of categories from best condition to waggiest tail and even entered a fancy dress competition.

Volunteer puppy walkers socialise young puppies as part of the guide dog puppy development programme.

Their role is to introduce the puppies to situations they will encounter as guide dogs.

The Royal New Zealand Foundation of the Blind’s annual Red Puppy Appeal is from April 4 to 6 so puppy walkers, breeding stock guardians, guide dog boarders and thousands of other volunteers will be out collecting money.

The foundation needs to raise more than $1 million so it can continue to provide guide dogs to blind, deaf-blind and vision-impaired New Zealanders.

Now I'm all for a bit of fun but look at what they've done to the poor we animal! Not to be outdone the Taranaki Daily News goes one weirdo better. I like what they've done with the title btw,

Horrie in hurry hitches a ride in a Honda

JAYNE HULBERT jayne.hulbert@tnl.co.nz - Taranaki Daily News | Saturday, 08 March 2008

MARK DWYER/Taranaki Daily News

Anna Kirk and Horrie the donkey take a road trip in Anna's Honda Civic.

Donkeys are known for their use as transport, but Horrie prefers to hitch a ride in a Honda.

Anna Kirk's been known to take her favourite donkey Horrie on a road trip in the back of her three-door Honda Civic.

This week Horrie happily climbed aboard Anna's red Civic, stood up on the back seat and took in the scenery during their 40-minute jaunt in rural New Plymouth. Why? Well, why not?

Anna (21) wanted her parents to meet young Horrie and her trusty Honda proved the perfect transport.

And Anna had her reasons for the taking the loveable Horrie to the visit the folks. "I wanted mum and dad to buy him themselves really and I thought if I took him up there to show them, then, well they would love him," laughed Anna.

Unfortunately, Anna's mum and dad weren't home. She says Horrie seemed quite content in the car.

While there was a comfort stop along the way, Horrie did disgrace himself once in the car, but that hasn't put Anna off.

"Maybe I'll just take him to the beach, or my boyfriend's house ... shorter trips I think."

Horrie is one of a trio of jacks (male donkeys) being cared for at the country property where Anna boards. About a year old, Horrie and his siblings Ronald and Buddy, are living the good life on Carrington Rd.

So don't be surprised if you see Anna and Horrie hitting the highways in the Honda.

You may think that's funny but it's a health and safety nightmare that just wouldn't be acceptable here at the heart of the Empire. We have much better ways of making an ass out of ourselves.

I'll get my coat.

Home, this is where I'll be!

So once again I’ve been neglecting the old blog but it’s not just because I’ve been distracted by pubs, games and general laziness like normal. To be fair I have spent a lot of the time in the pub, playing games or lazing about but a man doesn’t live on bread alone an a’that and with the Budget only a month away it behooves me to grab a few swallys before the Chancellor puts the price of beer up. Anyway a few weeks ago Rosa and I stood back and had a look at our priorities and realising she’s not getting any younger, I’m not so sure about me, we decided to re-arrange our priorities slightly. This means delaying going to Africa in the short-term and investing our hard earned cash into something solid for the future, in other words we’ve started hunting for a flat.

Now the first steps into the property market are relatively painless. There’s the giddy excitement of looking at what’s out there followed closely by the despair of working out what you can afford with your bank which changes to slow creeping terror ass you talk to your financial advisor and find out lots of new and interesting ways to get yourself into a lifetime of debt and servitude to The Man. As I said it’s all relatively painless, maybe the equivalent of sawing your left foot off with a rusty hacksaw but you know it’ll all work out. Well either that or you’ll over-extend yourself and end up homeless and bankrupt but that’s all part of the giddy excitement of living in a capitalist society.

The actual looking for places is actually quite good fun as long as you remember that there’s no point having a wander down to the estate agents as they’re all only open between 9 and 5 Monday to Friday. Clearly they don’t actually want to have to meet any working peeps looking to buy so a casual wander around on a Saturday afternoon is a definite no-no. Thank God for t’internet through which you can browse over nearly everything available, get floorplans and pics and check out where a property is on Googlemaps. Of course you’ve still got to call the estate agents to get a viewing which means having to call from work cos they can’t be arsed being at all flexible. After this you get to wander around peoples houses trying to be nice but not give too much away about what you really think whilst they try to convince you that although they live only two streets away from Dens and Tannadice match day traffic really isn’t that bad. It’s a really weird experience. Then one day you find a flat you’re definitely interested and skip gaily home to call your FA and put in an offer. This is where the real pain begins.

Now you peeps in other parts of the world are probably nodding sagely at this as you think of the pain you went through buying property for yourself but what you felt is but a shadow of the true agony of buying in Scotland. You see in most places if somebody wants to sell their house they decide how much they want for it then advertise it at that price. The prospective buyers come along and make offers either at the price asked or a bit lower if they think the owner will sell at it. The bid is then either accepted or not, contracts are exchanged and a’body happily moves on with their lives. Of course there’s still the danger of being part of a broken chain or being gazumped but the basics are pretty straightforward and whilst not great doesn’t engender the cosmic dread that the Scottish system does.

In Scotland the seller decides how much he wants for the house, takes anything from 5 to 25 thousand pounds off that price then advertises it as offers over the new figure eg if the seller wants £105,000 he might advertise at offers over £89,000. Any prospective buyers who come along then have to guess how much the seller really wants. It’s sort of like The Price is Right only with you betting your future on the guess of the price. When viewing a flat you find yourself playing weird mindgames as you try to figure out what the owner wants and he tries to get you to offer as much as possible. All this leads to where we are now.

Last Sunday afternoon Rosa and I went to view a top floor two bedroomed flat nearwhere we live. It’s not in the absolute best area but it’s pretty big and 5 minutes from our haunts in Stoby so it’s not awful either. Anyway having a look around we agree that the flat itself is pretty stunning with great views, big rooms and great storage and a chat with the owner reveals what price he’s actually looking for. On leaving we call Barry our FA and set everything in motion to make an offer at the price the owner quoted. Within the day we get an answer that whilst the owner isn’t rejecting the offer he’s going to wait to see what else he gets then yesterday we find out that they’ve set a closing date for next Wednesday so all bids from now on will be sealed. So now this bloke is going to tell a’body what he’s offered in the hope they’ll up the bid whilst also hoping that even if he gets no other offers we’ll up ours in fear of somebody outbidding us. In pain terms this is somewhere around hacking your left bollock off with a dull spoon.

A side effect of all this, and one I was warned about, is the shockingly deep hatred I feel toward the seller for saying what he wants then holding out for more. Intellectually I know he’s just acting on good advice and I’d do exactly but that doesn’t mean I won’t hunt him down like the dog he is if I don’t get this flat. I’ve been assured that he undoubtedly hates me right back for not offering him more than he wanted so the second viewing at the weekend should be fun as we try to maintain a veneer of civilization over our mutual loathing. He seemed like such a nice guy as well.