Saturday, July 26, 2008

I Hate Scotland

I've been an almost fan of Ballboy for years, always nearly getting around to catching a gig or buying an album. It's a bit of a loss because they are fucking brilliant likesay!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Parochial Poetry Day

I wouldn't like to think that the citizens of Dundee are an uncultured lot. Au contraire we are a city of people who take great joy in indulging in new experiences in the world of art. As evidence I present a letter writer to the Daily Telegraph who has chosen to break free from the shackles of mere prose and enter a new world of poetry,

What for?


I composed this poem because the news gets more depressing every day.

Where Has Great

Britain Gone?

I remember during the War

When people helped one another,

But now it seems that every day

This country is getting like “Big Brother”.

Politicians are sitting in Parliament

Making up their own rules

Such as closing little post offices

And also lots of schools.

Because they are all the “Fat Cats”

With two houses, and two cars,

Who grant themselves big pay rises

And now live like film stars.

Food prices are rising daily,

Also the price of petrol and oil

And ordinary folk are struggling to manage

No matter how hard they toil.

Prisons are now like holiday camps

Where inmates all have a T.V.,

But do they pay a licence for it,

Or do they also get that free?

Prisoners get days out shopping,

Making a prison sentence a joke,

And ordinary people who like a drink and a fag

Have to stand outside the bar to smoke.

Parents can’t discipline their kids now

By giving them little smacks,

Then they wonder why some teenagers

Are found guilty of street attacks.

So where has Great Britain gone

The country who won the War?

When thousands of young folk lost their lives

And I’m wondering now, “WHAT FOR”?

— Jean Hendrie, Strathmore Place, Broughty Ferry, Dundee.


It's always good when peeps find new ways to say we're going to Hell in a handcart and that stopping prisoners having to shit into buckets and not being able to beat our children is what's responsible. Really gives you a warm feeling inside likesay.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Parochial News Day

It's been quite a week in the news what with our current wars oversea, North Korea giving up its nuclear ambitions and the breakup of Jordan & Peter Andres marriage but all this was put into perspective by the front page of yesterdays Courier,

Dismay after shaggy dog has close shave

Fiona Whyte with Eddie.

A DUNDEE pet owner has been left distraught after her dog was treated to a makeover at a doggy beauty parlour in the city.

Fiona Whyte took her dog Eddie—a six-year-old Lhasa Apso—to the Family Friends Grooming Parlour, in Albert Street, but could not believe her eyes when he came back bald.

The shocked pet owner said Eddie had been booked in only to get his long coat trimmed back last Thursday but was horrified to discover that her beloved pooch had been shaved all over.

Fiona, of Gowan Avenue, said, “His coat was getting quite long and can get quite matted so I decided to put him in so they could take his coat back a bit and brush it out, which was agreed with the shop at the time.

“However, they must have decided that his hair was so matted that the quickest thing to do was just to shave his coat off.”

Fiona added, “They completely shaved him with a razor as if he were a sheep or something. No one called me to ask my permission to shave him, even though I had left my contact number with them. They didn’t have any right to shave his entire coat.”

Fiona’s mum went to collect the hapless dog later that afternoon while she was at work and she was dismayed to see how Eddie looked when she arrived home that evening.

She continued, “I was really upset when I saw him after work, he looked like a completely different dog. I would have gone to complain straight away but the shop was closed by then and wasn’t open again until Tuesday.”

In addition to Eddie’s slightly odd appearance, Fiona says there have been serious consequences of the unauthorised shear.

“He has been really affected by it and is constantly biting himself or doing the toilet in the house even though he has been house trained for six years,” she said.

“He has been really nervous and is constantly running about and is finding it difficult to sit down. This is totally out of character as he is usually quite a relaxed dog but since this, he has just been a nervous wreck.”

Irene Cunningham, the manager of the Family Friends Grooming Parlour, has hit back at the dog owner’s accusations, claiming she had no other option but to shave Eddie’s coat.

She said, “Mrs Whyte has come into the shop in the past and I have even showed her how to groom Eddie properly. Unfortunately there was just no way that I could keep his coat because it was so badly matted and unhealthy. When we cut it just came off like a sheep’s coat—it came off in one.

“This is not the first time that we have groomed Eddie and when anything has happened in the past, it has never been a problem.

“I still have Eddie’s coat in the shop and you can see it is completely matted—I was left with no other option but to take it off. Eddie is much happier without his coat on but Mrs Whyte is not.”


The Earth shook for me when I read this brilliant piece of journalism I can tell you. This is the kind of story that can blow a town like Dundee wide open. Realising the huge import of a story like this The Courier was quick to update us today,

Dog ‘do’ the right thing to do—SSPCA

A DUNDEE animal parlour’s decision to cut short a dog’s hair was vindicated by the SSPCA last night.

An officer from the Scottish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals visited Family Friends Grooming Parlour in Albert Street after a complaint by dog owner Fiona Whyte was reported in The Courier.

Fiona had taken her six-year-old Lhasa Apso to the parlour to get its long coat trimmed and was not happy that her dog’s hair appeared to have been shaved all over.

Parlour manager Irene Cunningham again defended her decision to cut the hair so short, saying last night they had “no other option because the dog’s coat was so matted.”

Irene called the SSPCA to show them the matted hair and prove she was right to have trimmed it so short.

An SSPCA spokeswoman said last night, “One of our investigators visited the parlour this morning to look at the cut hair and although it is not a major problem he will be talking with the owner. Although the upper coat of a Lhasa Apso can appear shiny and groomed, the undercoat can be difficult to maintain.

“The groomer was left with no option but to take the hair that short. Cutting a dog’s hair down to that level means it is easier to maintain and groom. Now the dog’s hair is smart and suitable for summer.

“Hopefully this situation will be resolved between the parlour owner and the dog owner.”

The spokeswoman emphasised the importance for owners to maintain their dog’s coat, both as a method of bonding but also for ensuring they are carrying out regular health checks on their pet.

“Every dog needs to be groomed,” she added.

“A matted coat is trouble for a dog... we have seen a case in the past where a dog owner was taken to court—their Lhasa Apso had not been groomed for a year and when the vet examined the dog its leg fell off because the matted hair had cut off the blood supply.”

Nothing really surprising in the meat of the story, the woman was clearly negligent and a bit of a nutter, but it's the last quote that really gets me. The SSPCA is telling us that if we don't groom our pets properly bits of them might spontaneously fall off! I don't want to be overly suspicious but I am left wondering if perhaps the vet was examining the poor animal with some sort of sharp instrument when this happened, a chainsaw perhaps. If this is true though I worry for all my beardy friends out there. Be sure and groom your facewarmer properly kids or you might wake up one morning without a head!