New Years Parochial Letters Day

If anybody actually reads this shite sorry for not blogging for a couple of months but Rosa and I got caught up in the whole moving house rubbish and then had to have a second honeymoon as the romance was going out of the whole marriage type thing. Anyway I'll be catching up on all that but what you've really missed is the missives to my local newspapers so,

Sick to back teeth of bleating

I am sick to the back teeth of bleating pensioners, policemen, firemen and nurses constantly complaining about their lot. Pensioners have never had it so good with heating allowances (even if working), free travel (somebody has to pay for it) and woman OAPs receiving their state pension from 60 while my generation must slog on until we are 68. The definition of fixed income is when your income does not increase. This does not happen with the state pension even though this is a pensioner mythical complaint. Nurses, firemen and police wages are well over the national average and very considerably above the local average. What they conveniently ignore is the taxpayer-funded, index-linked pension schemes they receive are paid while they are still relatively young and fit enough to enjoy them. And the benefits they receive cost far more than 6% to 12% employee contributions. Bitter? A wee bit, but I have every reason to be. — Honest Harry.

One of the things that make me proud to be a Dundonian is that we have always been at the heart of the socialist movement from marching for workers rights in the 19th century to having the first female shop steward in the 20th. We've always been a fairminded lot who believed in supporting our elderly and adequately compensating the peeps that work in our essential services. Given all this I'd like to thank Harry for showing that there are massive arseholes everywhere.

Mince and pudding

As a 50-year-old who has lived in Dundee all my life, I have never heard of a tradition of white pudding and mince. — I. B.

As a 34-year-old who has lived in Dundee all my life I have never heard of a tradition of covering yourself in treacle and jumping into a cattery but I've never felt the need to write to my local paper about it. What great conversations must go on in the B household.

Customer hope

MY HUSBAND and I are regular customers at Jimmy Chung’s, Dundee, and continued to visit during unfounded rumours regarding seagulls. The quality of food and excellent service has been maintained and I hope customers return. — Chris Treanor, Dundee.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned this issue months back. What fascinates me about these clearly rubbish rumours is that they've eschewed the more traditional cat in curry stories. Either way it's nice to see such warmth directed to the Chinese residents of our fair city. OTOH I wouldn't eat in Jimmy Chung's all you can eat buffet if you paid me.

Festive lights warning

I RESPOND to your reader, who was heartened by the display of Christmas lights on a Dundee house. Although this may provide a moment’s satisfaction, the harm to the environment is increasing. The extra use of power will be detrimental to the world in future years. Let’s all have a green Christmas. — Environmentally Conscious.

Just a reminder that your Christmas celebrations are badwrongfun so take down your tacky crap!

And finally you'll be aware that what to do with criminals has been a hotly contested question in the City of Discovery over the last year. I'll leave the last word to Alf,

Hard labour

I was talking to a young man who was unfortunately imprisoned for a few weeks on a minor offence. He whiled away most of his day glued to the television. He revealed that before this he had never watched Joe Pasquale or Noel Edmonds. I thought hard labour had been abolished. — Alf Carlin, Shepherds Loan, Dundee.