Parochial letters day

Apart from whingeing about my ears I feel that I've been neglecting my blog so there may be a few posts today after I've had a look at the Tele's letters page for the past couple of weeks especially since there's a massive Christmas tree debate that really needs it's own space. But first lets start with a look at crime and punishment,

Build a jail in every county

WE must simplify sentencing murderers, rapists, paedophiles and drug traffickers. They should never be released from prison. To cope with this we should build a jail in every county. This would give a boost to local suppliers and small businesses. — Mr Sensible.

For a moment I hoped that this was actually 80's punkster Captain Sensible but then I realised that the Cap was actually fairly bright so it isn't him. I liked the idea that prisons are actually good for the economy too. Now I'm no Adam Smith but even I know that keeping peeps locked up costs a fortune. That's okay because our next writer realises this and has a solution,

Outer Mongolia

WE KNOW convicts are released from prison long before they have served their full sentences. Some are committing crimes within days of being released. The reason they are being put back on the streets is because it is expensive to incarcerate them. That being so, shouldn’t we find somewhere to put them where the cost wouldn’t be so great? Many years ago we sent convicts to Australia. Today, I believe we should send them to Outer Mongolia. — Pageboy.

I wonder how the Outer Mongolians would feel about that. But enough of the sublime let's try the ridiculous,

No surrender

AS AN Englishman happily ensconced in Dundee, I would like to know what would then become of the British passport if Scotland became independent, as I have no intention of surrendering mine. — Matt Spence, Perth Road, Dundee.

Just keep taking the pills mate although I do like your use of the word ensconced it makes you look like you might have half a brain. Of course it would take a real pedant to actually answer this nonsense,

Passports

I AM a history teacher with a keen interest in Scotland’s past and future, so I can shed light on Matt Spence’s query about passports and nationality. The British state is rooted in the 1707 Treaty of Union and if Scotland ever becomes an independent state again, the Treaty of Union would have to be revoked. This would result in the end of the British state as we know it; so Mr Spence’s British passport would almost certainly become invalid. He would either have the choice of taking out Scottish citizenship, with a Scottish passport, or return to England, where he could apply for English citizenship and an English passport. — History Teacher.

You can always rely on a history teacher to go to great lengths to state the bloody obvious. The subject of crime comes back again as somebody comes up with the perfect solution,

Hard labour

BEING SENT to prison is a punishment for being found guilty of wrong-doing. However, it would appear being sent to prison is not a deterrent for recidivists, and seems like a cushy number, what with leisure facilities, access to televisions, gymnasiums, etc. Prisoners should be rationed to bread and water, and made to undertake hard labour. Their time in prison should be as harsh as possible. This may deter them from re-offending and costing the taxpayer more money. — Jack Michaelson, Dundee.

I was just thinking of getting caught shoplifting or something so I can get a free holiday at one of these fantastic prisons especially since they finally got rid of slopping out.

And I'd like to end this with good news for all the English peeps ensconced in Dundee,

Right to residency

IT IS the SNP’s policy that, if someone resident of Scotland when we become independent chooses not to take up Scottish citizenship, then he or she will continue to enjoy an unaffected right to residency. So the reply to Matt Spence’s question is that nothing will change for him. — Stewart Hunter, Dundee West SNP.

I know I breathed a sigh of relief at that one.