Parochial letters day

Conspiracy theories have been a big thing for a long while what with JFK, Roswell and Princess Di all having been talked about at length but none of this prepared me for the shocking revelations about Post Office closures brought up in yesterdays Tele,

Is Brussels behind closures?

I HAVE been reading about the hundreds of sub post offices in our cities, towns and rural areas under threat because the Government wants to save money by cutting the subsidy.

I know the EU are not keen on this type of subsidy.

Is their unseen hand behind this retrograde step? — Countryman.

Now he points it out I can't believe that those damned Frenchies are out to destroy the great British Post Office the bastards! In the spirit of Woodward and that other bloke from All The Presidents Men the Tele put their finest reporters on the case and came back with this answer,

A spokesman for the DTI said, “The closures of post offices is not a result of EU pressure.

“The Government is continuing an annual subsidy of around £150 million a year until at least 2011 to help safeguard a national network.

“Despite this continuing money, some offices have to close because people are using the post office less — around four million people a week fewer than two years ago. More and more people are choosing to have their benefits paid into bank accounts, use phone banking, direct debit or on-line services.”

I'm not convinced by this use of logic and common sense surely it was the space aliens. But it's not only the EU that's out to get us as Tom points out in a letter to The Courier,

Now there are no kilts!

Sir,—I heard recently on the radio that the Government does not have enough kilts to supply all of the Highland regiments at this time? Is this yet another ploy to “stick the knife” into them, by trying to get rid of tartan now?

Tom Handy.
11 Cameron Place,
Crieff.

Or mibbee they just never ordered enough kilts Tom eh? They're a right funny lot up in Crieff.

And I hadn't heard this rumour about an all you can eat Chinese restauraunt in the city centre,

Customer hope

MY HUSBAND and I are regular customers at Jimmy Chung’s, Dundee, and continued to visit during unfounded rumours regarding seagulls. The quality of food and excellent service has been maintained and I hope customers return. — Chris Treanor, Dundee.

Now granted the food there is clarty but come on.